2 posts tagged “crazyness”
I feel like typing things that are deep in my heart.. sounds weird eh? well it is but I am still going to type about it!
1. I talked to my brother about religion ( okay to keep u up to date a little i have been staying with my brother and i got back from camp the 16th and i thought my religion was strong [Christianity] but boy was i wrong) (oo yea my brother is a Wiccan.. okay u good? good..) and it made me depressed because I am so open minded about things and I ask questions constantly! People say it's a great trait but it gets me in trouble. Sometimes I just look at the sky and wonder how this all was created and THE God must be amazing. I said THE God because honestly I am confused about THE God. Now I'm not making sense. Why does creation have to be sooo complicated? Don't get me wrong religion is my favorite subject... but how come ever sense there has been religion there has been fighting and arguing over it? I mean come on.. dang.. I'm going to hell.....
2. Once again.. yes I know I am only 13 but I think about this thing called "love" a lot. Someday ,hopefully, I can feel it. But what is love? Why does it make you do and think crazy dumb things that don't make sense? Why is it so hard to say you feel love? Why do I want to feel love? I mean not right now at this very moment but I'm scared i won't find love. Let's just say I don't have the best background meaning my attitude towards people isn't the greatest. That might not make sense but at least I can just vent it out. It's weird.. I imagine my first kiss in the rain and ever time it rains I just imagine my life in 3 or 4 years. Someday I just want to go outside and lay down in the rain and close my eyes. I love looking at the sky and one day I want to enjoy that with someone.
3. I think my friends can't stand me because I can get soooo emotional. I mean it's not my fault.. I'm just that way. I am just afraid that one day they are all going to turn against me. Maybe I'm not a good friend.. sigh....
It's a full moon tonight and honestly I want to go outside and lay down on the grass at look at the stars and moon and think about my past and future. Even though I know it will hurt to think about those things.. why is that? Why is it that I want to soo badly think about my life but yet I'm so scared to move on and to even think about the future or the past? How is it possible to feel those two emotions like that!?
I will be going into the 8th grade and I am super excited because (SHH) I'm a total geek and I love school. I love learning things and seeing things in a different perspective. I kinda like the drama too. I am super happy about getting able to go to high school in a couple years and that might be bad cause high school will probably be hell. I've heard it sucks to be a freshman! It's okay because I get to go to school for a long long long time. Yea.. I want to be a Pediatrician ( for those who don't know what that is.. it is a doctor that specializes in taking care of children) so that is around 8 extra years of my life in school. Plus I want to take more classes maybe. Man I need to get a life.. hehe!
Well this was really long but it feels good to get it all down.. well this isn't even half of it but you get the point? Well my butt hurts but you didn't want to know that. I'm going to go! Bye and Bless all of you!!
~JaImE~ <3
Tell us two truths and a lie about yourself.
1. I have always gotten B's and A's on my report cards.
2. I have a type of OCD.
3. I trust people very easily.
Now here is the more-
Today it rained like krazy! There were tornado warnings south of town, which is were all of my friends live! Now don't get me wrong I love thunderstorms and just how something so... dangerous I guess can be so beautiful. I guess it is just one of the wonders of God. I just love rain because (this sounds retarded) when I stand in the rain I think of two things 1. Cleansing of all of the horrible things that have happened in my life. 2. Love.
Which brings me to my second point of the day. I know I am only 13 and I know nothing about love yet I know all of the wrongs of love (if that makes sense.) I sit and watch my sister and her boyfriend fight and I watched my dad and mom fight and I just wonder how you can "love" someone and yet you yell at each other. I also look at my sister and her boyfriend and see how much her boyfriend cares and loves her and actually it makes me smile. Love is just one of those things I will never understand no matter how hard I try. I might fall in love in 3 or more years and I will admit I am a very strict person when it comes to relationships. I mean I have never kissed someone so I guess it is a crime to want to have it a magical moment. Lol my sis and her boyfriend are fighting right now.. I just don't understand how one can say I Love You than go off and act like a (word.) I do love my sister to death but still. Any hoo... I want to meet the "perfect" guy someday and look into his eyes and just have the whole world stop. To have him hold me and to hear his heart beat..maybe I am asking for to much but isn't that love? Isn't that what you picture when your 5 years old after you watch Cinderella? When you just one day plan your first kiss and your wedding and your kids names? Yet our world is soo messed up that love really isn't love any more. I mean it isn't the fairy tell love! I want that though! Call me demanding and whatever else you can think of but... I just want to find the guy who can make me feel great just by seeing him smile and the guy that say I Love You and you truly believe him. I have a purity ring meaning I am going to wait till marriage and I wear the crown pointing towards me (and call this corny) and one day I want the man of my dreams ("the one" if you may) to turn it so it points outward, meaning I have my heart set on somone. What does this have to do with rain you ask? Well I have always pictured my first kiss being in the rain. My sister told me "good luck with that" but a girl can still dream can't she? Maybe I may never find love maybe I will but it will always be on my mind what love.. TRUE love really is. Honestly, I don't think half of the people in the world know.
Well that must of been pretty boring.. so I leave you all thinking of that one man or woman or thinking yea.. when will I meet the one? I wish you all a great and happy, loved filled life! God Bless ( and if you don't believe in God w/e else Bless)
~JaImE~ <3
