2 posts tagged “confusing”

Depressed.....

Crying.....

Can't stand it.....

Have to find my way out.....

Wanting love.....

Wanting someone to listen.....

Someone I can trust.....

~JaImE~

I feel like typing things that are deep in my heart.. sounds weird eh? well it is but I am still going to type about it!

1. I talked to my brother about religion ( okay to keep u up to date a little i have been staying with my brother and i got back from camp the 16th and i thought my religion was strong [Christianity] but boy was i wrong) (oo yea my brother is a Wiccan.. okay u good? good..) and it made me depressed because I am so open minded about things and I ask questions constantly! People say it's a great trait but it gets me in trouble. Sometimes I just look at the sky and wonder how this all was created and THE God must be amazing. I said THE God because honestly I am confused about THE God. Now I'm not making sense. Why does creation have to be sooo complicated? Don't get me wrong religion is my favorite subject... but how come ever sense there has been religion there has been fighting and arguing over it? I mean come on.. dang.. I'm going to hell.....

2. Once again.. yes I know I am only 13 but I think about this thing called "love" a lot. Someday ,hopefully, I can feel it. But what is love? Why does it make you do and think crazy dumb things that don't make sense? Why is it so hard to say you feel love? Why do I want to feel love? I mean not right now at this very moment but I'm scared i won't find love. Let's just say I don't have the best background meaning my attitude towards people isn't the greatest. That might not make sense but at least I can just vent it out. It's weird.. I imagine my first kiss in the rain and ever time it rains I just imagine my life in 3 or 4 years. Someday I just want to go outside and lay down in the rain and close my eyes. I love looking at the sky and one day I want to enjoy that with someone.

3. I think my friends can't stand me because I can get soooo emotional. I mean it's not my fault.. I'm just that way. I am just afraid that one day they are all going to turn against me. Maybe I'm not a good friend.. sigh....

It's a full moon tonight and honestly I want to go outside and lay down on the grass at look at the stars and moon and think about my past and future. Even though I know it will hurt to think about those things.. why is that? Why is it that I want to soo badly think about my life but yet I'm so scared to move on and to even think about the future or the past? How is it possible to feel those two emotions like that!?

I will be going into the 8th grade and I am super excited because (SHH) I'm a total geek and I love school. I love learning things and seeing things in a different perspective. I kinda like the drama too. I am super happy about getting able to go to high school in a couple years and that might be bad cause high school will probably be hell. I've heard it sucks to be a freshman! It's okay because I get to go to school for a long long long time. Yea.. I want to be a Pediatrician ( for those who don't know what that is.. it is a doctor that specializes in taking care of children) so that is around 8 extra years of my life in school. Plus I want to take more classes maybe. Man I need to get a life.. hehe!

Well this was really long but it feels good to get it all down.. well this isn't even half of it but you get the point? Well my butt hurts but you didn't want to know that. I'm going to go! Bye and Bless all of you!!

~JaImE~ <3