Posts (page 2)
My sister graduated from High School Sunday and today I graduated from 8th grade.. (even though I have to go back to school tomorrow and Thursday.). It is a huge sense of relief. They were two days I were fearing the most and I actually got through them. Yes, there were some tears but I stayed strong and I got through it just like I knew deep down in my heart that I needed to.
Camp is in about two weeks so I am oober excited for that and it just allows me to get away from this crazy world and have more time with God. It is a week every year that I look forward to. When I walk into camp it is like relief washes over me because I am dedicating that whole week to God. Than when I leave I personally think I get better at life. I mean I leave feeling mad cause I have to leave, but I leave knowing more about God and knowing that I can get through this. That I do have the strength. It amazes me that one week out of the whole year can do that for me.
But, unfortunatley, my eating habits are declining one again. I didn't eat dinner last night or breakfast or lunch. I have had one piece of cake and about half of a handful of chips and that was after school. I may skip dinner. It really depends. Since I am slowly getting less stressed I might. But I still have that knot in my stomach. So we will see.
Well that is it I guess. Hope everything is going fine with you guys!
Show us something you can't resist.
Josh Ramsay.
Isn't he just a hotty-mic-hottersin??! Singer of Marianas Trench.. check them out. He has an AMAZING voice. I could listen to him all day! HOTTTTTTTTTT! =)
Where do you want to be in ten years?
Submitted by baby3194.
I so put this question on here! hehe okay any way to the question..
- 10 years from now I will be 24.. So I plan on being in Vancouver, British Columbia or a little town near Vancouver cause I'm not a big city kinda girl. I plan on being in college trying to get a degree in psychology.. and who knows what else.. I will be a college student so I won't own a house or anything and I most likely won't be married. I'll just be working my ass off to get by! But atleast I'll be in Canada were I want to be! =)
It seems like I can't blog without making it a huge deal. But whatever. I can actually keep a blog. I can't keep diaries. They just don't interest me. Any who.. a lot has been going on.. I can't get to much into detail with. uh.. let's just say my life is going to drastically change probably in the next couple weeks. For the better or for the worst.. who truly knows. School has been super hectic to. I mean we get out the 29th which is good but I have always hated the end of the year. It never truly gets over fast enough. I have 2 more sessions of physical therapy left. My knee feels TONS better but she wanted me to come back again because my knee pops and I can't lay down on it. So I don't have to do P.E for the rest of the school year. Even though I jump around and SOMETIMES (very rarely) run but she doesn't need to know that. I just don't want to risk getting hurt again because my P.E teacher is a dumbass and I always find a way to get hurt. I am thinking about going back to To-Shin Do again though cause I haven't really done enough exercising.. by the way To-Shin Do is my martial arts.. I'm a yellow belt and I've missed it for about a month so I don't know if I will progress to the next belt or not. I have been doing that since October of last year. Uh.. what else? Oh.. I also went to a birthday party this weekend and thank God it wasn't mine. Parties never work when there mine and you also know that I have shitty ass birthdays soo there you go. But I did have a GREAT time.. there are always those moment when you get pissed off but you deal with it. Um.. my summer plans haven't really been planned except camp in June and I"m going to see my brother for two weeks in July at some point. I REALLY want to go a concert. Lifehouse and Amber Pacific are coming in June but I really don't like them so I probably won't go. I perfer bands that I actually am in love with. Unfortunatley.. I like Canadian bands and one of those bands are touring with a nother one of my fave bands from Canada but it is a Canadian tour this summer. Sometimes I hate Nebraska. But other wise I will probably hang out and do the normal Nebraska traditions that people do every year. Who really knows what will happen. Probably a whole lot of nothing. But you may be wondering what the deal with my title is. I have constantly been trying to improve my life but of course it turns into a total shit load of trouble and my life becomes miserable. I'm not going to stop trying to fix my life but it is hell. But the reason I think I am changing for the worse is because of something I have always had trouble with. Let my kinda explain before I start. I go through stages. Something bad happens I retaliate in the worst way possible than as I get older I mature a little but still do shitty things I shouldn't do. I always get pissed at the people around me but what is worse is what I do to myself. I am not going to go through every stage I have been through so far but it started at its worst and now it is at the point that I am at now. What is my stage you ask? Well the stage of "you don't get it so shut the fuck up" and "I think I am going to turn into an anorexic". Okay, don't freak let me keep talking.. I have always had a low self-esteem. Right now I am going through a family crisis and when it deals with family I usually end up hurting myself so I won't hurt other people. Now remember I used to be worse and wanted to do worse things to myself and this is an improvment. Okay, everytime I get depressed I "ruin" my body I guess you could say. I hate the way I look so I try to ruin myself. I think if it is slow it will be fine. I know what I am doing is for attention because I'm not getting the attention and love I need from my family and I have no friends. So I figure if I do bad things people will care. Not smart I know.. but atleast I know I'm wrong. Now, to the two people that read this I need your help. I haven't told anyone about my past "food" problems. Let me explain what I have been doing:
- No I HAVE NOT been forcing myself to puke. I have been very close but have not yet "succeeded".
- I am 110 and that is WAY to fat and I plan on losing 10 pounds. I am 14 and 5ft. 3 in. It makes me sick just looking at myself in the mirror.
- I only have been drinking diet tea and water for the past week. Origanlly I didn't eat snack at all and ate as little as possible at lunch and dinner so I wouldn't be noticed. Than I started pigging out. Now, I don't eat anything over 200 calories if I can help it and I try to eat as little as possible but I let my hunger take over. I started exercising but I stopped but I'm going to go exercise after I eat dinner. So it is a constant battle with my body.
So now do you see what is happening?? I don't know what do. No one can tell me that 110 is skinny because it is gross to me and I refuse to weigh this much. I will lose 10 pounds. Since summer is coming up lunch will be up to me and I will most likely skip it most of the time. I will be able to work out more. The question is.. How far will I let myself go?? I'm the type of person that when I go through these stages I get to the edge than somehow I slowly and I mean SLOWLY pull myself together. But someone has to help me. Last time is was God who helped me. But it kills me that no one here is going to help me. I'm afraid I will go back to the first stage I started at. Don't worry I will NEVER do drugs and drink alchol. It is scary for me but yet it's not. I think I can control it but I'm not losing weight. So when will I stop. Probably not for a long time. I have battled this before but I kinda want to take it the extreme. But who knows.. right?? I'm just wondering if there is a medium. Where I can be healthy but I can lose weight and be happy. I am going through a lot of stress right now but this is what I want. I can change it if I want and no one can really stop me unlike in the other situation that is going on. Hm.. we'll see I guess. I will keep you updated if you want...
What do you daydream about? Is it something far-fetched, or something that might actually happen?
Submitted by lost_in_eternity2207.
Mwahh.. well you see.. this question requires me to explain my life on levels you mere voxers will never come to understand. Since I could remember I would daydream about anything. Whether is was what was going to happen tomorrow on the field trip, my wedding day with my crush, me having magical powers that no one knows about, or just about how I'm going to live my life. Daydreaming is what gets me to sleep at night (I guess you wouldn't call it daydreaming.. more like thinking of things that you hope will be your dreams). Daydreaming helps me get through boring lectures when teachers and parents yell. Daydreaming helps me get through boring lessons in school. With out my daydreams.. Jaime just wouldn't be Jaime. So I have to answer that my daydreams USUALLY not all the time but USUALLY start out normally but they always and I mean ALWAYS end in a situation that you,I,and God knows would never happen. Now I say USUALLY because I generally think about my life a lot.. but since my life is a living hell most of the time I doze off more into my brain and think of the inevitable. It always brings a smile to my face. But sometimes of course I just cut right to the chase and think of every possible insane situtation out there. The "what ifs" is what I like to call them. I also have become quite a perfessional.. not once have I been caught in the last year. Before that.. well that's another story to be told of me getting in trouble. I can usually daydream and stay in reality most of the time. But I leave with saying this: If you don't daydream.. you are sooo not human. I think everyone should have crazy thoughts.. and I mean that in no sexual way.. gosh people! Whether they are as far-fetched as mine (being a wizard and having a pet dragon) or your first date with a guy.. I think daydreams keep us going and keep us wanting to find more in life.. cause life IS and adventure after all.
Ctrl-V (PCs) or Command-V (Macs) Time! Paste whatever text you copied last.
ive been watching all these promos for the past little bit, its like subconciously burning into my head that i need to get ANOTHER copy of their album haha
Mwahh.. shall I explain myself?? I was watching a video about this band (the greatest band EVER) and they were trying to sell their CD and yeaa.. I would say this girl was pretty much right. I really want to go off and buy their CD again! hehe...
What are you most sensitive about?
Honestly, I would have to say my family as a whole. Someone mentions my family in any way I instantly get defensive. I think it is the only way I can with deal life. I mean my family is pretty fucked up so I feel obligated to stand up for them and I figure no one understands my family (or my life for that matter) so they have no right to talk about them. Or if someone metions a family moment they had or how close they are to someone in their family I just feel like breaking down and crying cause all I want is that. I guess I'm a freak for thinking that but it is how I've lived my life for the past couple years. Guess it has worked so far.. well kinda..
What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble?
hehe.. umm probably my "I can do it myself" attitude. Even if I know I can't do it by myself.. I still yell and scream at people and go deal with it by myself..
Yea.. it sucks when your all alone trying to deal with a HUGE problem but for some damn reason.. I just deal with it alone.. I'll probably never stop doing that though.. I think everything is better when I just do it myself.. not if some dumb ass does it for me.
Well.. this week has just been fine and dandy. First, my school is dumb.. I won't go into detail. Next, one of my teachers and classmates pissed me off at the same time. My teacher sometimes crosses the line and my classmate is just sometimes an ass... and to top of this wonderful week of depression.. I fucked up my knee today in P.E. I jumped in the air to get a vollyball and I landed on my left knee. I'm sitting her with ice on it. The bone didn't break and I can walk. It just hurts really horribly bad. It hurts to bend it. But it is numbing because of the cold so that is why it's better. It's just so faboulous how life treats us mear mortals sometimes.. erggg
What happened the first time you were left home alone as a child?
Submitted by Warhead.
Well I don't remember how old I was but I do remember it was only for a couple of hours. And I remember running around screaming and jumping up and down on the couches. I ate food.. than screamed some more. It was truly great. But than my dad came home like 3 hours later. But it seemed like forever in my book. :D
