baby3194’s blog

Happy Birthday my ass..

nobody@vox.com(baby3194) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:40:44 -0700

I'm gonna curse and it's gonna piss me off.. You know.. I sure complain a lot.. but I would like to think I have a good excuse for doing it. Since the 6th grade I've had a shitty ass birthday. (sorry for the curse words ahead of time.) Why in the hell do I try anymore?? You know I took like 20 steps forward this year and I feel like I've taken 18 back. I do a lot of crap for people. I try to be a decent person. So why in the fuck.. do I get the beating?? Why do I get the bullshit?? All I get is a Happy fucking birthday. After all I do. Gosh damn.. I hate complaining like this. I try hard to be happy and to please people. Now I'm so low.. it doesn't even matter. I just don't want to talk to people for like a week. I haven't been looking forward to holidays or anything for the past 2 years. I didn't have high expectations for my birthday. Yeaa.. 14 isn't THAT wonderful. But you would think someone in this damn world would care. I mean you would think?! Am I just an emo freakk. No more.. this is bull. Bye for now.. I'm done. Don't bother to try to comfort me...

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The Green Monster??

nobody@vox.com(baby3194) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 22:18:17 -0700

well.. I want to cry. Why is it that I am so jealous?? Gosh. I hate everything. I feel great than I just crash and burn. I did good tonight. You're probably wondering what happened. But it's 12 in the morning and I don't want to reminisce. It's just really hard. I was always "oohh your so cute." Yeaa. when I was 5. Now, I don't get compliments and it is sooo hard. I have a gorgeous friend. Guys love her. I hate being this way. Gosh here comes the tears.... I don't know how to handle it. I hate being the ugly duckling. I tryed hard tonight. I didn't shake when the guys came and talked to me. I tryed to talk back. I can't even tell her that I'm so jealous. She is IMing me and asking what's wrong. I can't tell her. I'm crying and trying to be happy. But you can't when you been ignored your whole life. I hate not having people understand. (I'm just writing things that are popping up in my head. Please bare with me.) What if I am always going to be the "hot girls best friend that doesn't have a guy." I hate this.. :(. She's trying to help. But she doesn't see my tears. And I don't want her to. Maybe it's being 13 but.. I know I'm not attractive. but gosh. I want something god damnit. I don't want to be like this forever. I tried right?? Why doesn't that count in this fucking world?? I'm shaking and crying and I have the worst feeling in my stomach. It hurts soo bad. I can't change my face... but I just wished that girls with some acne and glasses and an over bite could be a little more attractive. I have goosebumps. I don't know. I want to give up.. but I can't. You know?? I gotta push.. but how do you push something you don't have control over....

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Something about mornings.

nobody@vox.com(baby3194) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 09:54:34 -0700

Something about blogging in the morning is just soo amazing. Well.. 11:43 is morning to me. I'm sitting here in my p.j's just thinking about what's coming next. You know?? Easter is coming up and I'm excited. My birthday is the 31st and I truly know now that I'm growing up. Here's why: When I was little I would write down EVERYTHING on T.V that I thought would be cool to have. Of course they were toys. Now I get asked what I want and I honestly don't know. My mama ordered me 2 t-shirts yesterday and when I go with my dad for Easter I probably am just going to get clothes. Unless I see some cool electronic thing I want. And my mama said she might just give me $30 on my birthday and send me off to Wal-Mart. Now it's just clothes and money. Don't get me wrong.. I'm perfectly fine with that, but still.. something seems wrong. Maybe it's just the fear of growing up. I never thought I would say that but it's true. I signed up for High School and all I can think is .. "how am I going to get all of my credits." "college is in 4 years." "what classes do I need." All of these things pop in my mind and I feel like I have no help. It is truly frustrating. I know I can make it.. but it is just hard. *sigh* Sometimes I think life goes a little to fast...

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Poems??

nobody@vox.com(baby3194) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 09:42:10 -0700

If when you wake up in the morning,
And the hurting is so great,
You don’t wanna get out of bed,
And face a world of hate.

If everything in life goes wrong,
And nothing you do seems right,
You just try a little harder,
And soon you’ll see the light.

For every person who has put you down,
And filled your life with pain,
You must strive to achieve greatness,
And show them you can win.

For every disappointment,
For the times you are let down,
There will be a better moment,
And your life will turn around.

Because everyone feels heartache,
And everyone feels pain,
But only those who have true courage,
Can get up and try again.
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Have you ever lived my life?
Spent one minute in my shoes?
If you haven’t than tell me why you
judge me as you do.

Have you ever woken up in the morning wondering
if this was you last day on Earth?
Have you ever left you house
unsure if you’d return?

Have you ever sat beneath the stars
hoping God will hear?
Have you ever prayed
to get rid of the fear?

Have you ever tried to hide yourself
behind the things you say?
Have you ever wished
this was the last day?

Have you ever wanted to protect your friends
and everyone in sight?
Have you ever felt such pain
that you cried yourself to sleep at night?

Have you ever lived my life?
Spent one minute in my shoes?
If you haven’t than tell me
why you judge me as you do.

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QotD: Meaningful Words

nobody@vox.com(baby3194) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 10:59:56 -0700

(What is your favorite quote and why?)

I like SOOOOOOO many so here we go!

Forgiveness means letting go of a hurtful situation and moving on with your own happiness.
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Remember that the road to healing winds through pain, anguish, sickness, and many tears.
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Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.
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There will be a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

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We ending up hurting the worst, the only ones we really love.
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Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars.
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Live as if u were to die tomorrow. Learn as if u were to live forever.
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Life's not the breathes you take; It's the moments that take your breath away!
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The best things are left unseen. That is why we kiss,pray, and dream with our eyes closed.
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Don't tell me the skies the limit when there is footprints on the moon!
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Don't be afraid to try something new. An amateur built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
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Obstacles are put in your way to see what you want is really worth fighting for.
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Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that change your life forever!
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The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
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Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of the bench when there is plenty of room at both ends.
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Some people never go crazy what truly horrible lives they must live.
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I can't stand being around this yelling so I'm finding my own way out.
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It doesn't matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going.
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Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up.
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You're only as happy as you want to be.
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When things go wrong as they sometimes will;

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;

When the funds are low, and the debts are high

And you want to smile, but have to sigh;

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;

And you can never tell how close you are

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-

It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
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Believe in love. Believe in magic. Believe in Santa Claus. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will?

Jon Bon Jovi

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QotD: What's in a Name?

nobody@vox.com(baby3194) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:03:31 -0800

How did you create your username for VOX? What influenced your decision?
Submitted by Strive2Be.

Well baby3194.. I've always used it for my usernames because:
1. I'm the baby of the family
2. I was born the 31st of March
3. I was born in 1994

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QotD: Go Get 'Em, Tiger?

nobody@vox.com(baby3194) — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:48:45 -0800

Are you a go-getter or do you wait for good things to happen to you?
Submitted by sleepybear.

I would say go-getter. Let me explain: Most of the things I want in life I can easily get and I try to by myself. Or (Since I'm only 13) I try to build up as much as I can to get to that point. But I don't like sitting around and watch the world pass by and be thinking " I want this and this.." Because than you sound retarded.

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